One day in summer vacation, my father proposed to watch the sunrise. Because this is our first time to watch the sunrise, whole family was exhilarative. We prepared what we needed in a cheerful mood. The day before watching the sunrise, I was so excited that I nearly couldn’t fall asleep. What I did is thought to myself that watching the sunrise was my dream that I wanted to do most and I finally could carry out. At three a.m., we started to our sunrise trip. During about tow hours, we sang in the car happily. Finally, we arrived at the Mt. A-li. Although the weather was so cold that my fingers and my face stiffed, I still tried hard to reach the top of the mountain with the strong wind blowing. When we reach the top, I took out my camera which I had prepared for a long time. We waited and waited. But we didn’t see anything. What we saw was thick cloud. We went back to the car disappointedly and didn’t say any word with a tired body. After this trip, no one propose to watch the sunrise again.
Because this is... , whole family...
回覆刪除在下覺得＂whole＂的前面加個＂the＂念起來比較順吶。
What I did is...
把＂is＂改成＂was＂吧？
During about tow hours...
＂tow＂是...？妳是不是想說＂two＂？
When we reach the top...
一樣的，＂reach＂改為過去式吧☆
After this trip, no one propose to ...
＂propose＂，承上情形吧，我想。
啊，好可惜喔。沒看到日出。
嗯，那去看日落吧（笑）
whole family 怪怪的感覺 好像要在加個什麼東西!
回覆刪除two打錯了~~~
When we reach the top, reach應該要過去式
Because this is our...
回覆刪除is改為was
When I reach the top
reach要改為過去式
What I did is thought to myself
應該是What I did is to think to myself(參考)
要是我的話
我應該不會想去看日出吧！
我沒辦法那麼早起床XD
第五段What I did is thought to 應該是was因為是過去是
回覆刪除whole family 前面要不要加the?
During about tow hours, we sang in the car happily.接到 Finally, we arrived at the Mt. A-li. 這邊我覺得有點突然，中間可以多描述些。
回覆刪除然後注意時態。
1.Because this is our first time to watch the sunrise, whole family was exhilarative.
回覆刪除→Because it was our first time to watch the sunrise, the whole family was exhilarative.
2.What I did is thought to myself that watching the sunrise was my dream that I wanted to do most and I finally could carry out.
→What I did was thought to myself that watching the sunrise was my dream that I wanted to do mostly and I finally would carry out.
3.At three a.m., we started to our sunrise trip.
→At three a.m., we started our sunrise trip.
4.During about tow hours, we sang in the car happily.
→During about two hours, we sang in the car happily.
5.When we reach the top, I took out my camera which I had prepared for a long time.
→When we reached the top, I took out my camera which I had prepared for a long time ago.
6.After this trip, no one propose to watch the sunrise again.
→After this trip, no one proposed to watch the sunrise again.
(以上，淺見…)
whole 前面應該要加個the吧
回覆刪除可以把thought to myself 那段去掉吧(?)
直接寫你的夢想會不會比較好
During about tow hours 這裡看不太懂
One day in summer vacation,
回覆刪除in應該改成on, 搭配vacation
Because this is our first time ~ exhilarative.
is改成過去式was
What I did is thought to myself ~ carry out
這句也是is改成過去式was
During about tow hours,
很明顯的錯字two哦XDDDD
After this trip, no one propose to watch the sunrise again.
propose要加個s哦~~~
哈哈那不就白跑一趟哩:O
我還沒有看過日出呢
1.Because this is our first time to watch the sunrise, whole family was exhilarative. We prepared what we needed in a cheerful mood.
回覆刪除whole family 改成everyone
第2句改成We prepared for things we need in chreeful mood.
2.What I did is thought to myself that watching the sunrise was my dream that I wanted to do most and I finally could carry out.
改成
What I thought to myself was that my dream finally could come true.
3.stiffed 要用被動吧!!!
4.disappointedly 有這種用法嗎?