2011年3月2日 星期三

A dream I have had

　　I dreamed I was an eagle which had sharp eyes and beautiful feathers. One day, when I was standing on the trunk and looking at the quarry eating the weeds, the last person that I wanted to meet found me. He trained his shotgun on my heart and shot me. I found the hunter and try to evade the attack, but it was too late. The bullet shot on my wing. Therefore, I fell down from the tree. The hunter walked to me and said that he wanted my beautiful feathers. I was very scared. After trying to shoot me again, I quickly shouted at him. I said that he could not kill me because would do something useful thing to him. However, the hunter suspected that I wold not keep my promise. As a result, I vowed that if I lost my promise, I would let you kill me. Therefore, we reached an agreement amd I became his effcient assistant. After that, we became good friends.
張貼者： 於

10 則留言:

  1. 妤如2011年3月4日 上午9:10

    After trying to shoot me again, I quickly shouted at him.
    →前面の主詞是男人，後面の主詞是妳自己；
    主詞不同，也許用獨立分詞構句好一點，
    因為＂shoot＂＆＂shouted＂不是同一人吧，我想。

    I said that he could not kill me because would do something useful thing to him.
    ＂because＂ 後面是不是漏了一個＂I＂吶。
    然後，＂something useful＂後面就不用
    再加一個＂thing＂了，嗯..
    前面已經有＂something＂了嘛。

    倒數第４句末的＂wold＂其實是＂would＂，對吧☆

    I vowed that if I lost my promise, I would let you kill me.
    ＂you＂!? 是＂him＂吧。看妳要寫哪句：
    ＞I vowed that if I lost my promise, I would let him kill me.
    ＞I vowed,"if I lost my promise, I would let you kill me."

    －－以上，我只會改這些而已。如有誤，請指教。
    真是一個好戲劇化的情節啊，
    從仇人變成好朋友。>0<

    回覆刪除
  2. 亭安2011年3月6日 凌晨4:15

    I found the hunter and "try" to evade the attack.
    前後時態要一致

    最後第二行"amd"是"and"吧!

    回覆刪除
  3. 姜姜(21)2011年3月9日 凌晨4:42

    One day, when I was standing on the trunk and looking at the quarry eating the weeds, the last person that I wanted to meet found me.
    the last person這裡怪怪的，而且沒有連接詞。 meet found me.這邊我看懂= = 你的文章中出現兩次therefore，我覺得你可以換個詞(accordingly/consequently/hence) 然後句子跟句子連接的不太通暢。這是我的想法，給你參考^^ 是說，你打字細心一點嘛...好幾個地方打錯或漏打~

    回覆刪除
  4. 姚薇...愛慘珉玗了!!!2011年3月9日 晚上9:32

    我的好~妤如呀~
    我真的好愛你呀!!!
    謝謝您寶貴的意見~~
    >3<

    回覆刪除
  5. 芳珠2011年3月9日 晚上9:36

    錯字或漏打的改一下
    其他的前面的人都說了 ~~~

    回覆刪除
  6. 孟萱2011年3月9日 晚上9:44

    I found the hunter ~ late.
    裡頭的try應該要改成過去式tried

    The hunter walked to me. 和
    He said that ~ feathers.也可以合併成一句
    The hunter walked to me and said that he wanted my beautiful feathers.

    I said that he could not kill me ~ to him.
    這句的becaust後面少了一個I

    However, the hunter ~ my promise.
    裡的wold應該是打錯了XD
    改成would

    獵人跟老鷹變成好朋友
    很酷的感覺 :D

    回覆刪除
  7. 品婷2011年3月9日 晚上10:04

    第四行I found the hunter and try to evade the attack, but it was too late這裡的try應該用過去式哦
    第六行After trying to shoot me again, I quickly shouted at him.兩個動作的主詞不同所以應該兩個主詞都要寫出來哦
    第七句 I said that he could not kill me because would do something useful thing to him.這句because後面沒有主詞哦
    第九據I vowed that if I lost my promise, I would let you kill me.這邊lost應該用原形,然後這裡人稱突然用you有點怪怪的

    回覆刪除
  8. 品婷2011年3月9日 晚上10:35

    金龍說用lost對哦!!

    回覆刪除
  9. 姚薇...愛慘珉玗了!!!2011年3月9日 晚上10:36

    TO:品婷
    我知道了!
    謝謝~
    =目

    回覆刪除
  10. 冠伶2011年3月9日 晚上10:46

    1.After trying to shoot me again, I quickly shouted at him.
    →After he tried to shoot me again, I quickly shouted at him.
    2.amd → and
    3.I said that he could not kill me because would do something useful thing to him.
    →I said that he could not kill me because I would do something useful to him.
    (淺見…)

    回覆刪除

訂閱： 張貼留言 (Atom)